Black Birthday

I’m turning 40 on Friday the 13^th of May. It’s true. In just a couple of short weeks I’ll be officially middle-aged. I was going to let this day go by without any mention of its passing (apparently vanity doesn’t disappear with age.) But once I realized that my big day was going to occur on an unofficial black holiday, I decided I had to throw a party. (It’s either that or be taken down by a superstition of bad luck.) I’m even about to begin my search for a black tiara to wear in honor of this milestone.

I’m hoping that this will be my best decade yet. There are lots of reasons to believe this. First of all, I’m a fledgling entrepreneur. I don’t know if my business will live or die, but I know that it was born because of me. It’s a really gratifying and powerful experience to see your ideas come to life. Second, the documentary that I started over 10 years ago is now, finally, coming out of the closet. There are some clips in this film that make even me uncomfortable, but I’ve stopped worrying about making people feel uncomfortable. I’m more concerned about getting stuff done. I’m coming out about how tough it is to have autoimmune issues because somebody needs to get this message across. Why not me?

I’m finally starting to appreciate all of my strengths and I’m learning to be more comfortable with my weaknesses (of which there are so many). Take this blog, for example, which I’m happy to kick off in honor of my birthday: I’m embracing the fact that I have four eyes. It might just make me even more fabulous than without, because rather than focusing on my glasses as a personification of my failing immune system and less than optimal health, I’m learning to see it as a symbol of perseverance and strength. I used to spend years apologizing for the fact that I don’t look like a cover girl, but maybe I’ll be able to redefine how we perceive beauty. Isn’t it really about acceptance, vision, candor, and courage? It is in my eyes – all four of them.

How Did I Become A Fabulous Four Eyes?

I can't tell you how many times people have said, "You look so pretty without your glasses." Or, here's one I really like: "Have you considered contact lenses?" Yes, I've tried and tried contact lenses. But, due to my mysterious autoimmune issues which cause severe dry eye syndrome, I can't do it. My eyes resist. I used to walk around with a huge bottle of saline solution and I would pour some of it into my eyes at 15-minute intervals, but then I developed an allergy to the solution. I give up. Maybe I do look better without my glasses, but I just have to live with looking good in glasses. I sure don't think I look very attractive with infections that are repercussions of severe dryness that literally turns my contact lenses into glue, making my eyes a perfect breeding ground for all kinds of nasty stuff. When I kept showing up at my doctor's office with rampant eye infections, he said" I don't want to scare you, but then again, I do. If you keep doing this to yourself you're risking not having any vision at all. These infections are dangerous and can lead to blindness." So, like a good girl who wants to look beautiful, I asked about lasik surgery. But the number one complication is dryness of the eyes -- maybe not the best outcome for me. When I asked my doctor if there's any research being done to develop a procedure safe enough for someone with my quirky immune system, he said, "not in your lifetime." So... I'm a woman with glasses. And it hasn't kept me from being fabulous. So here's to being a fabulous four eyes. If you're one too, I invite you to join me and celebrate!